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the "drug" store...

Whenever I was young and caught a cold, my mom, the RN - the Vietnam RN, the Standford Hospital ER nights RN, would basically lock me in my room and visit three times a day with medication.   She would keep my records in her head and update them as she would if she were doing rounds...   at home.  Like "rounds" from my room... to the living room.    It was lonely.  Being sick was never accompanied by sympathy, and often by a worst-case scenario - like when I got my fingers caught in a door and she told me I would probably lose them.  

Of course, on the flipside, when things were SERIOUS, like when my brothers would (allegedly) spike my food with acid and I got a 104˚ fever and was hallucinating my ASS off...  my mom was totally there making it better, rather than taking me to a hospital where I'd have to wait, get scared, feel uncomfortable, go home, and THEN start the process of healing.  

So in a way, I've become the opposite.  I dote.  I "mother-hen" when people I care about are sick.  I suppose it could foster a feeling of helplessness, but I feel an overwhelming need to comfort them, as I never recieved it when I was sick. 

So Jake's got a low-grade fever and I went out last night to get groceries and pharmacueticals to ease or blur the passing of the fever.  

The grocery store had shit for stock in this department... I could've purchased "children's motrin", but what the hell is that gonna do?  

So I went to Osco *(like RiteAide), at 9:55pm.  Not late for a store like that.  On the shelves, there were no boxes, but rather cards that "depicted" the boxes... like trading cards.

«kid 1» "Dude, I'll tade you two Comtrex for a Robitussen DM."
«kid 2» "No way, man... This is a multi-symptom one!"


• Robutussen Fever reducer / Body aches / knockyouonyourass. Check.

• Theraflu with acetometaphin. Check.

• Generic Ibuprohen. Check.


• hmmm.... where's the Daily "C"? Chewable Vitamin C.....

«fat bitch» "Excuse me, sir? Can I help you find something?" A fat worker was calling to me from THE OTHER END OF THE ISLE.
«me»"Yeah, do you have Daily C?"

I walk over to her from the vitamins section on the other end of the isle.

«fat bitch»"No. We have no C"
«me»"You're a drug store and you don't have vitamin C?"
«fat bitch»"Over there. In the vitamins Isle"
«me»"I can't find it."
«fat bitch»"We're closing."
«me»"so... it dissappears when you're closing?"
«fat bitch»"Can I help you find anything else?"
«me»"Yeah, I need Equal."
«fat bitch»"In the sugar isle."
«me»"You have a 'sugar' isle?"
*she points to the far corner of the store.
«me»"Can you help me locate it, 'cuz I can't find them"
«fat bitch»"I can't leave the door area."
«me»"I'm the only one in here."
«fat bitch»"I can't leave."
«me»"So you tell me to hurry by calling me away from the vitamins area where you are now pointing for me to go back and look and you won't help me to speed this up?"

I go back and search again.... I can't find it. This time she YELLS AT ME FROM ACROSS THE STORE.
«fat bitch»"SIR. WE'RE CLOSING."

Again she yells at me that they are closing, like I'm blind and stupid. So I give up on the "C" and head towards where the Equal should be. I can't find it. Again she's pestering me.

«me»"You know, if you spent half the time helping me locate this item that you are spending yelling at me and pointing to some random area, we'd be done by now."
«fat bitch»"It's right there. in 12."
«me»"I'm here, in 12 and I can't see it."
«fat bitch»"RIGHT THERE! NEXT TO THE SPLENDA" *she's billowing over the countertop with an finger outstretched to a nonspecific place.
«me»"Well you must not spend much time with the sugar substitutes because it's actually over here."

I come up to the counter and proceed with check out. She finishes with my items... except for the Robutussen... the ONE thing I came here for.

«me»"you forgot this."
«fat bitch»"you have to get that from the pharmacy window."
«me»"you can't give me Robutussen? Are you the manager?"
«fat bitch»"the superviser"
«me»"you suck at this."
«fat bitch»"The pharmacy is open tomorrow."

I throw the card across the store like a frisbee and walk out.

It's now 10:04 and everything is closed because Phoenix gets up at 4:00 am and rolls up the sidewalks at 9. I finally find a 24 Walgreens and reassemble my items.... including the Robutussen card... only THIS time, EVERYTHING is a card. There is not one item on the shelf.

I get the magic card and go up the pharmacy.

«pharmacist»"Can I see your liscence?"
«me»"for ROBUTUSSEN?"
«pharmacist»"yeah, we have to take down everyone's info..."
«me»"What is up with this? I could've scored a kilo of C-4 Explosive faster."
«pharmacist»"It's a new law... 'cuz they make Meth with all this stuff - strip the chemicals out of it and use it to make Meth..."
«me»"With ROBUTUSSEN? Jesus, whoever thought of that should be working for the space adminsitration."
* she copies my name, address and driver's liscence into a ledger
«me»"Can you help me find 'Daily C'?"
«pharmacist»"I don't think we have that."
«me»"Any chewable C will do."
«pharmacist»"We have 'Flinstones'"
«me»"Except that."
* she walks around front to help me look at the wall of vitamins
«pharmacist»"I remember my mom buying some that were made by Sunkist, but... I haven't seen any chewable C for a long time...."
«me»"What, do they make Meth with THAT TOO?"


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